From My Journal

That’s Not Honey! That’s Mom!

As far as Oziel was concerned, Mom was honey — not the kind you stir into your tea.

We were having one of our usual tea times when Oziel suddenly became annoyed by my husband stirring his cup. With the most serious little expression on his face, he looked up after taking a sip of tea and said, “Dad! Stop stirring.”

My husband replied, “I need to stir the honey.” Oziel quickly corrected him: “That’s not honey!” “Yes, it is,” my husband answered. Ozi shook his head and said confidently, “That’s Mom!” My husband replied again, “This is honey.”

But as far as Ozi was concerned, honey was Mom, not something we put into our tea. 

It’s such a sweet memory, and I’m so grateful to God that I captured it on video. 

To my firstborn, I was “Honey.” He understood that word through the love he constantly heard his father speak to me. He was too little then to understand that the endearment came from the actual honey we stirred into our tea. To him, honey simply meant someone sweet and loved. And honestly… that melts my heart even more now. 

Mother’s Day

Sunday was my second Mother’s Day without my sons, but somehow it felt like the very first one.

May 10, 2025

Last year, our car accident happened the day before Mother’s Day. I was in too much shock, pain, and trauma to even process what that weekend truly meant. We had been caught in the middle of a terrible thunderstorm while driving to pick up my mom so she could spend Mother’s Day, and the following week, with us. 

This year, the reality felt heavier. Sunday was both bitter and sweet. 

My husband did an incredible job celebrating me as their mother. So many people showered me with texts, calls, and gifts to make sure I felt loved and appreciated. But alongside all the love was the deep realization that it had been one full year since my boys transitioned into eternity. 

Reality

A month ago, while working on a Mother’s Day flyer, it suddenly hit me that this year’s Mother’s Day would mark one year since they passed away. That realization sent me into a funk for weeks. Their absence felt fresh all over again. 

The pain of not hearing their voices…
Not getting hugs and kisses…
Not seeing their excitement as they prepared surprises for me…
Not receiving their “ugly” but adorable handmade Mother’s Day cards…

It all became painfully real again.

I loved every single thing they created for me. I proudly displayed their cards and crafts on my refrigerator and dresser. They were thoughtful, just like their dad. They loved surprising me and seeing me smile. 

Mother’s Day was hard. Beautiful, but hard. 

Nothing could ever compare to what it would have been like with them here. Truthfully, all I wanted was whatever my sons would have given me. 

Still, I chose to make the best of the day.

I wore a dress in both of their favorite colors, blue and green. I took my Mother’s Day photo while holding a framed picture of them both. After church, we visited their gravesite. And through the tears, I thanked God for the sweet memories I still have to hold onto.

If heaven had a phone line, I know they would have asked Jesus to call me. 

About Mom

Last year, they recorded a Mother’s Day video for me. I cherish it deeply. They knew me so well — honestly, I’m still amazed by that. I was able to see it months after they were gone.

One year later, I still feel the crash. I still hear the sounds and feel the impact. Even the thought of it can bring panic rushing back. But I thank God for giving me the strength to keep moving forward… to keep living. 

The memories of my sons — who they were, how deeply they loved, how joyfully they lived — inspire me to continue pouring into others and giving from the heart. 

Renewal

I thank God for restoration and renewal. I am not the same woman I was before. But I thank Him for the new strength I have found in Him. 

“But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” Isaiah‬ ‭40‬:‭31‬ ‭ 

Wait On The Lord

Waiting on God, waiting for God, is hard, but it is part of the renewal process. So, I continue to trust in the Lord, to look for Him, and to place my hope in Him. I will not grow weary or tired when I remain close to Him. 

His strength is made perfect in my weakness.

No matter my situation, His grace is enough for me. His power works best in my weakness. I have been weakened so that the power of Christ can work through me. His power is perfected and revealed most effectively through my weakness. 

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

I understand it better now, Apostle Paul.

Happy Mother’s Day, mamas.